Written by Citizen Alpha Tuesday, 23 March 2010 01:45

It’s easy to separate our online personas from who we are in real life but Facebook provides a means to bridge the gap between the two.  More often then not we’re left disappointed with the lackluster representations people put forward.  Most can understand abbreviation and other grammatical brevity in informal writing however when you’re a person in pursuit of a higher education, working professional, or just a normal person generally communicating to your friends, we have a level of expectation that your status updates don’t look like you up and decided to grind the keyboard on your crotch in a piss poor attempt to convey “What’s on your mind”.  Your terrible grammar makes you look stupid and the longer it takes us to decipher the gibberish you post the less I’m inclined to care.

Depending on how you use Facebook really weighs in to how you project yourself.  Personally I use it in a bit more of a professional capacity so drunk escapades and liberal use of cuss words are not in my repertoire of acceptable status updates.  Doesn’t mean I’m really all that judgmental in the people that choose to use it in that manner but I’m really hoping for some form of complete thought.  Something as short as a few sentences should be quickly understood without redundant read-through’s trying to figure out what, if anything, is being conveyed.

This isn’t rocket science and I’m not expecting the pinnacle of grammatical perfection.  Punctuation is your ally in a world entirely based in the written word.  Even malformed sentences with the occasional spelling error are better then some of the crap I see.  Today I was reading and I noticed someone who, amongst no capitals, spelling errors, and liberal improper use of nearly every punctuation in the language, habitually did not use an apostrophe.  Anyone with rudimentary knowledge of a QWERTY keyboard is aware of the home keys and where your hands should sit.  Seeming that the worst offenders of this nature are often people under twenty one I expect a solid understanding of a keyboard and at least some official keyboarding training.

Placing you hands on the home keys, you’ll notice your right hand pinky finger resides a mere half inch from the apostrophe key.  You don’t even have to hit shift.  You would, in order to use the apostrophe, literally only need to move your pinky a half inch.  What kind of lazy sad sack piece of shit is so lazy as not to move their pinky a half inch to successfully come off 100 times smarter?  Yet I find these people unabated in chiming in on such weighty subjects as the recent health care reform bill.  I’ve met children who are still overcoming pants shitting accidents that have a higher mastery of the English language then some of these college attending “future leaders of America” or their respective nations.  I’d imagine this article would fly over the heads of any of the worst offenders to this but if any windowlicking Facebookers made it this far and still haven’t gleamed anything comprehensible this is for you: learn to talk more better with words cuz u sound fucktarded kthxbye.

Got your own Facebook pet peeves?

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